DVD Chastity Bites

DVD Chastity Bites
DVD Chastity Bites

Rating: 4.8
Genres: Comedy | Horror
Director: John V. Knowles
Writers: Lotti Pharriss Knowles
Stars: Allison Scagliotti, Francia Raisa, Louise Griffiths
In the early 1600’s, Countess Elizabeth Bathory slaughtered more than 600 young women, believing if she bathed in the blood of virgins that she would stay young and beautiful forever. Still alive today, she’s found a perfect hunting ground for her ‘botox’ as an abstinence educator in conservative America, and the young ladies of San Griento High are poised to be her next victims. But will her unholy ritual finally be stopped by Leah Ratliff, a feminist blogger and ambitious reporter for the school paper? Written by Lotti Pharriss Knowles
Plot Keywords: bathory, blood, virgin, abstinence, reporter
Country: USA
Release Date: 2013 (USA)


  1. Welcome to San Griento, We Focus on the Family After a brief scene that could play out in any horror satire the audience is introduced to protagonist Leah, ultra feminist journalist and town pariah, and her best friend the sweet but insecure Katherine.

    Katherine is seen reading what is obviously Twilight and reflecting on it's romantic nature while Leah explains that the useless book does nothing but objectify women.

    Cue the resident mean girls nicknamed The Hiltons entering the scene. The leader Ashley is a half Asian version of Regina George from Mean Girls who comes off like a little Chihuahua barking around orders. She frequently uses the word chicas despite throwing constant shade at the Mexican Gretchen Weiners of the group Noemi. Then there is ditzy blonde Kelly who is the Karen Smith of the group. The fourth Hilton is not as memorable and doesn't have as many hilarious one liners.

    We also meet the mothers of the three most memorable Hiltons, three botoxed housewives obsessed with being youthful and their status in the community. They are the ones who organize chastity leader Liz Batho's arrival at the school. Ashley's mother Jillian at Liz's request has her daughter encourage her friend's to become chastity leaders in the school's group VAG.

    While Leah smells something fishy abut Liz from the very beginning Katherine is intrigued by Liz describing her as just elegant and cultured and stuff. She is easily sucked in and develops a crush. Katherine thinks Leah is just angry that this VAG club ruined her big story.

    While the horror movie aspect of the movie reeks bad 80s style Syfy TV movie the comedic aspect is what makes this movie watchable and enjoyable. The Hilton's deliver one liner after one liner and have amusing interactions. Liz Batho is played is the right blend of icy, campy, and deceitful. I could easily see this movie airing on Chiller, Syfy, or Lifetime and it has all the fixings of a cult hit.

  2. John V. Knowles' "Chastity Bites" is a horror comedy that takes the classic 80's idea of fun-time slasher delights. Then mixes that with a fascination for vintage, supernatural idolatry, and upbeat, comedy-camp satire. The film stars Allison Scagliotti, Francia Raisa, Louise Griffiths, Eddy Rioseco, Amy Okuda, Jennifer Gimenez.. "Chastity Bites" is Knowles' directorial debut and my only thought is "why in the h*ll did it take this long?!". The style, feel, and look of the film is that of a seasoned director whose work is effortlessly executed.

    "Chastity Bites" follows a group of high school students both frienemies and foes, challenged with the typical social hurdles and proclivities, facing a darker sinister force out to build them up just to tear them down-Lady Bathory. Liz Bathor is on an unholy mission to see that the young ladies of the local high school stay pure and chaste. It is a clever story that is energetic, quick witted and funny. The humor is both straight forward cheese ball humor blended with the darker satirical cultural quips that aren't as "surface". It is one of the few films that I have seen in a long while that fully completes the story arch fully with the same intensity and conviction from start to finish.

    The acting is something that pleasantly surprised me, going into the film I was expecting some fumbling by the actors on the dialog and character interaction and elements meant to create a relatable foundation between the actor and audience. At times it seems those fears were to be met but in almost every scene the cast manages to keep the comedic timing without falling flat, and for the depth of dialog, pop culture referencing and repartee this film carries, it isn't an easy feat for Indie films to pull off. "Chastity Bites" is a modern classic that gives good 80's homage without coming off as cheap or forced.

    The special effects and soundtrack are timeless and entertaining. The effects remind me of classic 80's horror techniques that never fade, offering good, visual kill scenes, with very minimal CGI. The fact that the film stays closer to the darker side the horror comedy than "spoof" films helps make "Chastity Bites" a film that will be enjoyable time and time again. Plus you can't get a better character than Elizabeth Bathory when dealing with virginity and eternal youth while poking fun at social obsessions and cultural hypocrisies. The soundtrack, both musical and sound effects, create a fun, energy that never holds the film back or feels out of step with Knowles intentions. I really enjoyed this film and think all horror/comedy fans and slasher fans alike should check it out!

  3. It's not very often a film takes you by surprise without resorting to clichés and wasted potential when there's so much or little to follow. Most films these days that attempt to pay homage by 'spoofing' or other forms of respect aren't always executed properly. But in this case, Chastity Bites attempts something different at its best but still has some hiccups that prevents it from being the most ingenious out of the many creations that either feels rehashed or incomplete.

    The story follows a writer named Leah that becomes suspicious of a newly profound abstinence educator that schemes an army of virgins to please her vicious desires to collect blood to contain her youth. Of course convincing the entire school would be harder than assassinating an immortal masked murderer, but this doesn't seem like a heavy situation as Leah decides to take matters into her own hands to save her companion in time before she too is slaughtered like other unfortunate victims in their prime.

    The film is assembled with a cast that does all of their parts well but also suffers from having some that feel either very unused or simply there to suffer their demise. If we spent more time with some of the characters and the film had taken a darker turn where it felt less like an outdated sitcom, perhaps it would have succeeded more where other films with a similar premise didn't. However, complete credibility for effort to everyone and what it tried is surely due and this film can still be considerably an enjoyable presentation if you can extract the lack of tension and some goofy elements that some may find very distracting.

    For that, let's enjoy this cup of virgin blood that tastes a little like water for what it's worth and not less of what it could have been.

  4. This show is really fun, full of a lot of clever and corny repartee and daring-do antics that will delight people who are familiar with horror-film genres. Through humor, metaphor, and the broad paint brush of absurdity, Chastity Bites exposes the self-serving agenda of the hyper-politicized, religious-Right loonies currently plaguing the U.S. But it manages to do so in a highly entertaining way that kept me glued to the screen, smiling and laughing all the way through.

    Technically, production values are high, with clear and compelling cinematography and an ideal selection of music used in a timely and tasteful way. Moreover, the balance between dialog volume, sound effects and music is perfect. Further, they managed to keep the gruesome factor to a minimum, even adding a touch of artful camp to the special effects, which kept the fun-factor well in tact.

    If you're looking for some epic, bone-shivery cinematic extravaganza, you may not be as impressed as I am. But if you like humor, horror, camp, good story telling, a healthy dose of snark and witty social commentary, Chastity Bites is the perfect blend.

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