DVD Killer Clown

Julian Cheah's "Killer Clown" is a film of reprehensible value with no redeeming features whatsoever. It fails at being an action film, a horror film, and a low-budget "intentional" campy comedy. It is without question the worst film I have ever seen, and I have seen many clunkers. Comparisons with Ed Wood, Uwe Boll, Hal Warren and James Nguyen are not far off. I'm giving Boll his due here because Cheah makes Boll look like Michael Bay – an impossible feat.

Cheah not only wrote and directed the film but he also starred in it as the film's hero. He is convincing, in the same way that Arnold Schwarzenegger would be convincing as a 15th century samurai warrior in feudal Japan. There is no plot, just people getting killed, with one of them having no connection with the main character whatsoever and having an extended period of on-screen time before getting offed without explanation. Oh, and apparently Penang, Malaysia is supposed to double for a nice beach resort in America.

The supporting actors (if you can call them actors) lumber about in disbelief, reciting their lines as if they were bribed to appear in the movie. Despite being a Malaysian film, there appears to be no "local" actors in the film, with the exception of Cheah and Peter Jackson (no relation to the other, far superior filmmaker) who doubles as the dopey killer and a "Jamaican" sidekick. The rest of the actors are mostly either international students or expatriates, with no acting experience whatsoever, and it shows. Malaysia is not exactly known for its "quality" films (Yasmin Ahmad and very few others being exceptions) but this movie not only lowers the bar… it struck the sewage line.

The film's ludicrous horror and action highlights fail spectacularly. What is intended to be funny/scary ends up being more annoying. The knife the "Killer" uses seems to be made of rubber. The blood looks more like diluted cherry juice. The victims don't even have a proper stab wound… the killer just sticks his knife behind the neck/head and they just fall dead (oh camera tricks, where art thou?) The fight sequences seem sped up and look like they've arrived from a ropey 1970's chop- socky kung fu flick. The awful, hand-held home style cinematography worsens the film and the annoying music score fails to heighten the tension. This could be the cinema projector's fault, but the film looked like it was shot on a hand-held average consumer camera instead of a professional one, and it's not even high-definition. DVD quality image on a big cinema screen is one of many painful experiences from this stinker. Last but not least, the final 15 minutes descends the movie even further into utter insanity, including the most egregious use of CGI ever to (dis)grace the silver screen.

This movie has running sequences. Lots and lots of running. Sometimes on the same street, in the same building, at the exact same spot. No surprise if the shots were merely repeated to cut costs. At one point, Julian runs around a building corner, only that the next shot shows him running in the opposite direction of the street that he just ran. Genius.

By the time the movie's 1 hour and 19 minute running time goes by, I felt like I've been locked up in solitary confinement for about two years. Perhaps that is a good thing. It will allow you to create your own movie in your head – your own ideas, your own plot. It will make you appreciate the finer things in life.

I sound like I'm attacking the film from every corner I get. I have good reason – just try watching this movie, and see whether you can endure the pain. If I want a horror spoof, I'd watch "Tucker and Dale vs Evil". You'd laugh at the film… the same way others probably laughed at "Troll 2", "Birdemic" and "Manos". I have a copy of this movie which only reminds me that no matter what movie I watch, it would not be as painful as "Killer Clown". Well, "Manos", maybe. That, and especially how NOT to make a movie.

I paid US$ 2 for the ticket but felt like I lost a million. At least it delivers the "horror".

Overall rating: 0% (ImdB should seriously consider negative voting)