DVD Gravity

Did those who've written glowing reviews of Gravity see the same movie I did? Look, I wanted to like this flick, I really did. And I don't want to rag on it, but if you're going to make a dramatic science thriller, you had better get it right or expect to catch it from the smart people. Despite the cosmic setting, the only star I can give Gravity is for the computer generated graphics.That said, this is not a movie for intellectuals and those of a scientific bent will be sorely disappointed. What made Ron Howard's Apollo 13 so gripping was its dramatic realism and superb acting. Unfortunately, none of those adjectives applies to Gravity, with the possible exception of some drama. However, for thinkers, effective drama requires an intellectual investment in the credibility of the story, the characters and the interaction between them. Intelligent humans need to believe that what is being depicted could actually happen. Unfortunately, the events depicted in Gravity are likely to alienate anyone with an above average IQ. Once one has acknowledged the impressive graphics, any anticipation of emotional investment is quickly dashed to smithereens by the unbelievably vapid and inane dialog. It is painfully obvious that someone with a double-digit scientific IQ appears to have awoken one morning and haphazardly decided to write a "space movie". The physics are off, the events highly improbable. The entire story demands a suspension of belief in reality. Worst of all, the dialog and interaction between the characters is so juvenile that anyone with a brain gets the immediate impression that the project is the product of sophomoric show-biz types who think that the way to move the product is to recycle hackneyed clichés, shiny objects and big explosions. Bullock's character, Dr. Ryan Stone, is so unprepared and emotionally disabled by adversity that it is impossible to believe that she would have been selected as a mission specialist. Yet, she manages to flit from one space wreck to another and yet another. She consults operation manuals in Russian and, later, Chinese, yet she is heard muttering "eeny meeny miney mo" while haphazardly pushing control buttons like some clueless chimpanzee. The space vehicle's communication equipment fails to pick up "Houston Control", yet, miraculously, is able to receive a bizarre Chinese comedy and howling dogs, which Bullock's character feels compelled to imitate. Clooney's character, Matt Kowalski, is such a clichéd hero that he is depicted as nonchalantly jesting with the hysterical Dr. Stone while he himself is drifting into a desperately life-ending situation. We are expected to believe that, despite having trained intimately together for this mission, these characters address each other by their formal titles and make clichéd announcements back to a non-responsive mission control. Kowalksi has waited until he's drifting to his death to ask where Dr. Stone is from and if she has any kids. Finally, director Cuaron makes a supremely lame attempt at cinematic iconography depicting Bullock floating in a fetal position, a la Kubrick's Space Odessey. And after having had such a bad day and having plunged to Earth in a flaming meteor-like reentry, Stone emerges, unscathed and barefoot mind you, from the ocean onto an idyllic, uninhabited beach like some primal human emerging from the sea. Now, I feel bad about feeling bad about this movie. And I respect Ms. Bullock and Mr. Clooney as actors. However, it is my humble opinion that actors must assume some responsibility for the roles they accept. This movie was so cringe-worthy that the only reason I sat through it was to see how ridiculous it would get. Alas, other than the black hole into whose abyss was irretrievably sucked away any hope I once had for discovering intelligent life in this movie, "Gravity" lacked gravitas.

When I first saw the billboard for Gravity I got really psyched. Then I saw the names "George Clooney and Sandra Bullock" across the board and my excitement wained. It was only after hearing how the effects carry the movie that I decided to take a chance. My first disappointment, the $15 ticket price for the 3D showing (they have only one non-3D showing a day so there really was no other choice). For $15 I expect one heck of a movie, instead I got a dud. One reviewer said, "The 3D wasn't abused like so many other 3D movies just for the sake of being 3D. No feeling of having to duck when objects are flying at you out of the screen." I disagree, this movie had nothing else going for it, so if i found myself having to duck when an object was hurling toward me, then there would have been at least one redeeming quality and this review probably would have three or four stars.

Where do I begin? Let's start with the James Cameron quote: 'Gravity' is the best space film ever made." Gravity IS NOT the best space movie every made. It was simply CGI with a lot of cliché. When the shuttle enters the opening scene, it looks like a poorly drawn cartoon – are these the wonderful effects that are supposed to save this movie? Apparently, so. The problem is that the effects weren't all that good. They didn't come close to the realism of "Apollo-13," or "2001 A Space Odyssey," which was made nearly 50-years ago. That leaves us with a lackluster script with no underlying plot or theme. The drab dialog and storyline could have been saved as a sleeper if they used no-name actors instead of Clooney and Bullock hamming up every line. That being said, the movie was boring from beginning to end with no real emotional connection from the audience. In fact, if you want to see a good stuck in space movie, then you should see "Marooned" from 1969, which puts "Gravity" to shame. It's also amazing how the effects and diverse backdrops couldn't save this movie from Sandra Bullock going solo, when Ryan Renolds was able to pull it off in "Buried," which was a low budget movie with a single actor in a single location. It just goes to show that good writing and acting are necessary and special effects alone do not a good movie make.

Now the fun stuff, let's talk about bad science:

1) Bullock is nauseous during a space walk. This would never happen. It is only during space walks that space sickness can kill, because vomiting in your enclosed suit would cause you to inhale and choke on the vomit. It is for this reason that food is not consumed for hours prior to an EVA (Extra Vehicular Activity) and astronauts are required to abort the walk when there's even a hint of nausea

2) Bullock is untethered,spinning and flailing in space. This is highly unlikely. NASA procedure is to always have an emergency MMU called a SAFER during EVA. The pack is programmed to automatically adjust yaw, roll, and pitch to stop the astronaut from spinning. Routine procedure is then to manually take control of the jetpack and use it to return to the space vehicle

3) The Soyez TMA re-entry module requires an EVA to disengage the chute. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it is my understanding that this model would allow the astronaut to disengage the chute from within the capsule. BTW, if the chute did deploy, it wouldn't have been opened up and spread all over the station. The parachute compartment hatch would have simply been blown off and the parachute would have remained packed away in the module – there is no wind in space

4) The opening line states that there is no sound in space. However, we hear the wrench actuating when used by Sandra Bullock

5) George Clooney has Bullock on a long tether to distance her from the jets on his jetpack. However, he's holding on to her in front of himself, where she is just as clear of them as he is. Also, the propellent is inert gas, so it would not have hurt her. BTW, Clooney later drifts into space when there is no discernible force to push him away from Bullock

6) The re-entry capsules have a hard 60-second count down before undocking. No way. Design of space vehicles offer manual over-rides for nearly everything. If there were a count down, then there would be an over-ride as well

7) One exploding satellite would not cause a chain reaction of debris. It's called space for a reason, there is a lot of it. Debris from one satellite is highly unlikely to cause further debris

8) Every satellite and space station is bombarded by the debris as if they are all in the same orbit. They are not. For that matter, neither is the Hubble and ISS

9) When Bullock takes off her space suit, there is no liquid cooled ventilation unit, catheter, or diaper: which are required attire for EVA

10) Bullock stabilizes and orients the proper re-entry path of the re-entry module from a spin while well beyond the window for a deorbit burn

11) No way someone with the emotional baggage of Bullock's character would ever be chosen for a space mission

12) Bullock went through astronaut training and wasn't taught to brace herself when using a propellent in zero G

13) The hatch on the Soyez reentry module is much higher and would not have flooded so easily. Additionally, the Soyez, while being designed to land on solid ground, is also designed with floatation devices for water landing and does not have explosive bolts on the hatch. So it would not have flooded like Grissom's Liberty Bell 7