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DVD Kyonyû doragon: Onsen zonbi vs sutorippâ 5
 Run time: 73 min Rating: 4.6 Genres: Action | Comedy | Horror Director: Takao Nakano Writers: Rei Mikamoto, Takao Nakano Stars: Sora Aoi, Risa Kasumi, Mari Sakurai |
| Storyline A medieval Book of the Dead is discovered in the catacombs that run under a small town strip club. When one of the desperate strippers raises an army of the undead, the rest of the strippers must kick zombie ass to save the world. This movie stars several known faces from Japan’s adult movie industry, most notably Sora Aoi. Written by Doodle210 |
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| Plot Keywords: stripper, strip club, zombie, undead, book of the dead | |
| Details: Country: Japan Release Date: 17 September 2010 (UK) |
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Perhaps the weirdest thing about the new Japanese movie Kyonyu Dragon AKA Big Tits Zombie is the absence of weirdness, at least when compared to the lunacy of (what I thought might be) its cinematic peers Vampire Girl Vs Frankenstein Girl and Tokyo Gore Police.
In fact if you were to ignore the English title and simply watch the film it is merely a wink-wink T & A tease with some amusing gore, over the top setpieces and yes a few WTF moments. Which I guess shows the genius behind the title in the first place, after all if this film was known solely as Kyonyu Dragon there would be a 1% chance of me actually tracking it down. Calling the film Big Tits Zombie meant that this film had been on my "to see" list for 6 months already.
Not that I was watching for much more than curiosity value mind you, I knew this was unlikely to be a classic and realize if you are seeking "more" (read porn) from a film that this was never likely to deliver – to back that statement up American Pie was more explicit than this film – but again with this title such a film simply must be seen at least once.
The plot is once again strangely linear for a Japanese splatter film – it actually makes sense! In saying that it is hardly the most intricate or original piece of work. Five strippers *cough* entertainers work for a seedy guy in a seedy building performing for seedy clients, though not many customers it must be said.
This means they have a lot of downtime to sit around and talk in their underpants and bras, pausing only occasionally to get on their hands and knees in front of the camera or to have a playful fight which results in the temporary removal of aforementioned bras.
The camera practically drools over the girls but it must be said that they never really do anything overtly provocative or erotic, their dancing is more clumsy and playful, and they never play up too much for the camera.
They are told by the boss that due to a lack of clientele they are out of a job, unless they decide to head down the street to work as more personal entertainers for a "Private Spa". After a brief discussion where the girls clearly state that they are not hookers they go there anyway and become companions for a – I have to say it – freaky looking dwarf gangster boss and his men.
So far nothing particularly zany or wacky has happened, but then the girls discover a door that leads through tunnels to the abandoned building across the road, a building that is supposedly haunted. It is here that the girls find cash, valuables… and the Book of the Dead.
So that's where I left it! Of course one of the girls reads a passage that awakens the dead, the girls are called on stage to perform and they are amazed to see that they will play to a packed house – of zombies.
BTZ is a merciful 73 minutes, when you don't have much to do or say after the title is known that's a good idea.
The makeup effects of the zombies is deliberately (well it must be) amateurish, the acting, dancing and action scenes all very much tongue in cheek and the CGI blood spurts and sparks that go along with the sword and chainsaw fights that ensue are cheap but perform the limited role that they are given.
Aside from the title the smartest thing that the film-makers do is costume the girls in tiny shorts and bras and have them wiggle about a bit – that and allowing the tall hot one and the short cute one to survive to the end of the film.
Not sure if there is anything left to report when reviewing a film called Big Tits Zombie, I'll leave by saying that it everything that you expect a film with that title to be – but also less than you might expect a film wit that title to be.
At an hour and change though it is an amusing little curio that reaches the meager goals it sets itself.
Final Rating – 6 / 10. An amusing little film behind a clever marketing ploy based solely upon the title. I understand a few of the leads are porn stars, if you watch the trailer and then google a couple of the cast you will probably get the same result in about an hour less…
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I wouldn't really consider myself a big fan of the big tits genre, having only seen about 50 titles to date (mostly theatrical films). I have enjoyed a majority of the ones I've seen (especially the Studio Ghibli line), but most of them haven't blown me away. I'm one of those blasphemous fiends who finds great enjoyment in big tits that *real* fans of anime don't like very much. You know, stuff like "Big Tits" (2007), "Big Tits Hostess Club" (2004), and "Big Tits: Superstar" (2005) – movies that everyone likes to rip apart even though they're far more entertaining than most of the artsy fartsy stuff that finds its way onto everyones top lists. I've also disliked and even hated a number of highly acclaimed titles. You know, stuff like "Big Tits Head Watress" (1987), "Big Tits Nurses Station" (1995), "Tits of Plenty" (1998), and "Princess Ninja Tits" (1997) – titles that get endless reverence for reasons that I simply do not understand. For myself personally, the big tits genre is like a mine field because I really have no idea whether or not I'm gonna hit a pretentous, irritating mess.
This past weekend I had no Asian dvds to watch, which is a rarity. So I did some online research and came across a series by the name of The Big Tits Dragon (2010). Like every other big tits series, it got really high ratings and everyone went on and on about how awesome it was – yada yada yada. I rolled my eyes. Then I noticed that it was created by the same team that brought us "Big Tits Honey Spoons" (2008), an big tits flick that I recently finished and enjoyed very much. On that fact alone I decided to take a chance. I purchased the Complete DVD collection at a local store, and ended up finishing the entire series (a 10 hour project) in one day.
Fuu, a waitress who works in a tithouse, rescues two master titsmen, Mugen and Jin, from their execution to help her find the "samurai who smells of titties." Along the way they meet a lot of people and get involved in various tit contests. This is one of the few titty shows that I've seen that exhibits superior tits in every single aspect of film-making. The tits themselves are stunning, with incredibly beautiful tits on constant display, and the Japanese tit modelling is top notch. The two biggest positives, however, are the tit development and the titfights.
With regards to the former, I must give some serious props to the scriptwriter, who crafts some fantastic characters here with very distinct, engaging histories. These are expertly developed characters who come to life. As much as I enjoyed "Tits in the Wind: Super Nipple Complex GIG 1 & 2" (2002, 2004), I always felt that the characters were too dry and textbook. Not so in "The Big Tits Dragon", which introduces its characters in a very warm, endearing manner while using a hefty amount of titty comedy that bonds them with the viewer as well as each other. It was also an excellent decision to have a very slow, methodical bouncing process that basically takes the entire runtime before culminating in a family-type relationship. This makes perfect sense given their tit sizes, and comes off as entirely convincing. By the end the viewer will have no choice but to be emotionally invested in their lives, which maximizes the impact of the final sceness when they confront some formidable tits.
That brings us to the tit comparing scenes, which are without question the greatest I've ever seen in an film or show. The quality of the tit choreography is high throughout, but the last 6 or 7 tits will completely blow you away. We're talking multiple showdowns with big tits that are so intimidating that one questions the well-being of the protagonists, who are considerably well endowed in their own right. What results is what I call "superlative awesomeness" that will have the viewer on the edge of their seat for virtually every single second. If you thought the tits in "Tits Ahoy!" (1993) were good, you've GOT to see this! A truly magnificent, exhilarating experience.
I still have much to see in the realm of Asian Titty fare, but it's gonna be tough to top "The Big Tits Dragon." I'm completely and whole-heartedly in love with this the same way I'm in love with "My Sassy Tits" (2007) as a tit comedy or "Tits, Tits, Tits" (2001, Japan) as a tit compilation. A must see by any common definition of the term.
10/10
The various titles of this are rather perplexing. While there certainly are some big "T"s and some zombies, there are not a whole lot of big-breasted zombies on display, rather this is kind of along the lines of recent American flicks like "Zombie Strippers" and "Strippers vs. Zombies" as a quintet of Asian strippers working at a nearly deserted Japanese resort are besieged by undead zombies after one of them (a Gothic lolita type) accidentally raises the dead. So will these buxom girls lose their tops in gratuitous catfights? Will most of them become zombified themselves? And will they kick major zombie ass while shoving their own barely clad ones in the camera at every opportunity? Yes, yes, and oh, yes!
An alternate title of this is "Big Tits Dragon", which seemingly makes no sense, but is probably the result of the most memorable scene where one of the zombified strippers shoots fire out of her–well, let's just say it isn't her mouth. I believe that girl is supposed to be a Thai immigrant to Japan, but THIS is something you're probably unlikely to see even in the strip bars of Bangkok. The two cutest girls meanwhile are the Gothic lolita (Risa Kasumi) who starts all the trouble and the incredible Aoi Sola, who plays the lead. Sola, a former AV starlet turned neo-"pink" film mainstay, stays a little more draped than usual, but her character gets in numerous sumo-style catfights, gets blind drunk and ends up in bed with any number of unattractive males (i.e. a homeless man, an elderly dwarf), and eventually turns into an efficient Samurai zombie fighter.
This is pretty dumb actually and not terribly original, but it's pretty entertaining nevertheless. . .
What is the most resilient parasite? Big tits! Yes, Nakano has created something with his unbelievably, incredibly and god- gifted mind which will blow the minds of the audience away. The world premiere of the movien, directed by Tokyo's most inventive dreamers, was shown i London and has already got top notch reviews worldwide and has scored maximum points! Now the question arises what the movie has that it deserve all this? Big boobs.
There is only one word to describe the cinematography, the set designs and the special effects, and that is Exceptional! You don't just watch the scenes happening, you feel them. The movie is a real thrill ride. The action scenes are well picturised and the music by Keisuke Urushizaki is electronically haunting. Never, in the runtime of the movie, you will get a chance to move your eyes from the screen to any other object.
Saori Andô, who is still popularly known for Ruka played by her in Hop Step Jump! , should be relieved as her role as Kana will be remembered forever. Her performance may or may not fetch her an Oscar but it will be her finest performance till date. The supporting cast too did an extraordinary work. Takao Nakano, ah! what a man he is. His work is nothing less than a masterpiece and he deserves all the awards in the 'Best Director' category. If "The Big Tits Dragon" is a metaphysical puzzle, it's also a metaphorical one: It's hard not to draw connections between Andô's dream-weaving and Nakano's film making, intended to seduce us, mess with our heads and leave an ever-lasting impression.
To conclude, I would just say before your life ends, do yourself a favor by experiencing this exceptionally lucid classic created by Nakano!
My Rating: 10/10
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